individuation

Individuation is the developmental and psychological process of becoming a distinct self—separate from one's parents and family of origin, with one's own values, opinions, feelings, and identity. The term was popularized by Carl Jung and expanded in family systems work, which sees individuation as a lifelong task of differentiating from the family while still being able to stay connected.

For people raised in enmeshed, controlling, or emotionally immature families, individuation can feel dangerous—as if having needs or opinions of one's own is a betrayal. Therapy often helps clients recognize the difference between connection and fusion, grieve the family they wished they had, and slowly claim the self they were not allowed to become.