monster

"Monster" is a word survivors sometimes use for a parent, partner, or family member whose behavior was so cruel, frightening, or dehumanizing that ordinary clinical language feels too polite. Calling someone a monster is often less about literal belief and more about naming the enormity of the harm and the fear they instilled.

In trauma work, the word can be both useful and limiting. Useful because it allows survivors to stop minimizing what happened, and to put the size of their feelings into words. Limiting because humans are never actually monsters—they are people whose behavior was harmful, often shaped by their own untreated trauma. Holding both truths—they were not monsters, and what they did was monstrous—can be an important step in grieving, setting limits, and reclaiming one's own humanity.