Are You Sure They're Safe?

In this video, Patrick Teahan explores a question many childhood trauma survivors struggle with: how do you figure out who is truly safe and who is not? Using a relatable workplace hypothetical about meeting a new coworker, Patrick walks through the subtle cues that can signal whether someone is authentic or putting on a performance. Patrick introduces the concept of the "broken radar system" — the idea that childhood trauma can take your natural intuition offline. Shame, self-doubt, attachment wounds, and magical thinking consume so much of your internal resources that your ability to read people becomes buried underneath. Using a computer CPU analogy, he explains how trauma symptoms override the gut instincts you were born with, leaving you unable to distinguish friend from foe. The central framework of the video is authenticity. Rather than relying on a checklist of 50 red flags, Patrick encourages viewers to tune into the "ick" — that feeling of disgust or unease that signals inauthenticity in another person. He defines authenticity as the degree to which someone's actions align with their true values, beliefs, and emotions, and emphasizes that safe people are those who can tolerate vulnerability and are genuinely in the driver's seat of their own lives. Patrick outlines three key warning signs of inauthenticity: moving too fast to solidify a bond, hiding feelings or big issues instead of making a sincere connection, and a problematic quality of relational style such as being overly intense, overly helpful, or provocative. He illustrates each with vivid real-world scenarios, from oversharing on a first date to a confrontational parent at daycare pickup. Drawing from his own experience, Patrick shares how his deficits — desperation, low self-worth, naivety, and fear of abandonment — kept his radar offline for years. He encourages childhood trauma survivors to examine what specific deficits may be preventing them from catching red flags in their own lives. The video offers a compassionate, practical starting point for anyone looking to rebuild their ability to assess character, trust their instincts, and protect themselves in relationships.