Do You Get Triggered When Giving Validation?

For many childhood trauma survivors, the simple act of validating another person's feelings can trigger an unexpected and confusing emotional response. In this video, Patrick Teahan, MSW examines why giving validation — something that should come naturally in healthy relationships — can feel so difficult for those who grew up in toxic family systems where their own emotional needs were consistently dismissed, minimized, or weaponized.

Patrick draws on his own early therapy experience to illustrate how this dynamic works. When we grew up without receiving validation ourselves, being asked to give it to others can activate the wounded inner child who still desperately needs that same acknowledgment. The result is often resentment, shutdown, or a hollow performance of empathy that doesn't feel genuine to either person involved.

Through role-play demonstrations, Patrick shows how this trigger manifests in real relationships — with partners, friends, and even in therapeutic settings. He explains how the inner child's unmet need for validation can hijack adult interactions, creating a scarcity mindset where giving emotional support to someone else feels like it comes at the expense of our own unaddressed pain.

The video also explores paths forward, including reparenting work that helps the inner child feel seen and validated by the inner adult, which gradually makes it possible to offer genuine validation to others without feeling depleted or triggered. Patrick emphasizes that recognizing this pattern is not about self-judgment but about understanding the developmental gap that childhood trauma created.