The 1-2-3 Process and Overcoming Intimacy Journal Prompts

Conflict with the people closest to us — partners, friends, anyone we share a real bond with — is one of the places childhood trauma shows up most loudly in adult life. A small "bump" can feel personal and enormous because the person in front of us has, for a moment, become a parent. The 1-2-3 process, developed by Amanda Curtin at the RRP Center for Change, is a three-step tool for moving through these moments: name the trigger and trace where your inner child went, do the same for the other person, distinguish them from the historical figure they got fused with, and only then negotiate what each of you actually needs in the present.

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These three journal prompts walk you through the process on paper. The first asks you to map a recurring conflict with someone close to you (not family) and identify how it was uniquely activating because of your own history — without dismissing the present-day issue as imaginary. The second invites you to look at the projection itself: how were you relating to that person as if they were an abusive parent, and how are they specifically different, even where they have their own dysfunction? The third sits with what comes up around trust in the third step — the fear, resistance, or negativity that often surfaces when intimacy work asks us to be seen and to ask directly for what we need. The handout and a worked partnership example are included so you can see the full process before applying it to your own relationships, and there's guidance for doing a one-sided 1-2-3 when the other person isn't available or willing.

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