In a recent video I did on ADHD I shared about how bad my functioning was around the age of 20 right before I started to do my own childhood trauma work and I talked about how I could never really get it together in the way that I wanted to. I was late for everything, I was somewhat dissociated in just basic talking with people, was never really on top of my bills, had some magical thinking going on like thinking I could get across town in five minutes when it really takes 45, and I had this constant nagging sense that I was defective and really somewhat wasn't going to make it in life. I was also impulsive with money, constantly behind the eight ball and pretty much kind of a mess.
And many of you really resonated with my description of all that, or for how I was in the world at that time. An interesting piece that is the main point to this video is I couldn't really meditate until I did some work around my childhood trauma—which is interesting. As much as I tried I couldn't get to a calm, focused place in order to do that. I'm going to come back to that later.
I wanted to go deeper into what specifically in my childhood trauma made my functioning that off, that later got better through treatment. In my first two or three years of private practice I saw my clients struggle with the same things that I struggled with—like distraction, dysregulation, general adulting—and many would lose their focus in not having the confidence about relying on themselves for general living, just like my experience. Like something was preventing them from getting there.
I started to call that thing simply trauma noise. Trauma noise is the cumulative unprocessed events, emotions, grief, shame, injustice, emotional/physical/sexual abuse, family dynamics, stuff that we saw—all of it. Some of it's conscious but actually most of it isn't. I see it as repressed, but I still think it runs our system even though it's repressed.
Trauma noise is like having a bunch of songs being played at the same time in your head or in our subconscious. And it's not a cool mashup. It's not a good time. None of it's in tune, none of it's lined up, and the brain is overwhelmed with dealing with trying to manage all that while still functioning—or pretending that it's not there. And that part is exhausting.
One song is your parents' divorce. Another is the relationship you had with one of them. One is what happened to you or to your siblings. One is the things you said or did growing up because you were traumatized. Another is bullying inside or outside the home. And all of that is on repeat in our subconscious, playing at once. Sometimes quiet and sometimes really cranked up when we're triggered. Like one song will take precedence when we get feedback at work or are triggered to intimacy with our partner.
I think they're on repeat because they're asking to be processed—like how we have specific recurring dreams or images from time to time. And we're just trying to do life with all that going on—just trying to make it through work, navigate relationships, or simply get through our day.
Also this isn't me trying to freak you out or gaslight you into feeling worse off than you are. Of course this stuff is there, and you've actually managed to deal with it so far—and you're okay. I just want you to have a stronger understanding of your triggers and stuck places related to this concept in context, and not confusing it with ADHD.
And as a side note, deep processing of childhood trauma isn't for everybody and that should be respected. Sometimes it's best to just leave it be and function as best as you can.
Examples of Trauma Noise Here are some major bullet points about this video:
In no way am I discounting the diagnosis of ADHD.
I'm giving the framework for adults with ADHD symptoms or trauma symptoms, not children.
I'm not suggesting that ADHD is always caused by trauma.
I am saying CPTSD can often be misdiagnosed as ADHD because they look so similar. The deciding factor is a person's history of childhood trauma—which is complicated, since some don't remember.
In the last video, the message was: you certainly can have CPTSD and ADHD both going on, and doing therapy work for either can be very helpful.
Trauma Noise Explained The best way I can share this idea of trauma noise is through a visual. As childhood trauma survivors we're all sitting on a lot and trying to just do our best in life. We're trying to show up to our relationships, our children, our careers, or just trying to be a person.
Either when we're activated or triggered, or whether we're just at our baseline emotions, these things still affect our functioning because the noise is still there. It just might not be on full volume like when we're triggered.
Trauma noise consists of unprocessed things like core beliefs, unprocessed incidents, history of traumatized self, and family legacy/shame.
For example: core beliefs such as "I'm unlovable," "If people disrespect me they should be punished," or "I'll never have what others have." These were survival strategies we adopted as kids.
Unprocessed incidents: memories, dreams, mental replays of abuse we endured or witnessed.
History of traumatized self: intrusive memories of mistakes, shame, bullying, or when we hurt others because we were hurting.
Family legacy and shame: unconscious behaviors to not be like our parents, but the shame of being told we are like them.
All of this noise can manifest in ways that look like ADHD. For example, a credit card being declined. For someone with trauma noise, that small incident might spiral into dissociation, shame, hours of hyperfocus, or self-punishment.
ADHD vs CPTSD When comparing ADHD to CPTSD, there's huge overlap in symptoms: poor planning, poor time management, poor organization, impulsivity, hyperactivity. The difference often lies in the roots. ADHD symptoms may be neurological. CPTSD symptoms often come from dissociation and trauma noise.
Four Major Examples of ADHD Symptoms
Poor planning, follow-through, prioritization, and organization.
Communication issues.
Impulsivity.
Low frustration tolerance.
Each of these can come from ADHD, but they can also come from trauma noise. For example, poor planning may be because no one ever modeled or parented you through organization as a child. Communication issues may come from being shamed or put on the spot as a child. Impulsivity may be reacting from dissociation. Low frustration tolerance may come from parents who modeled rage and unfairness.
What to Do With All of This? Whether your symptoms are ADHD, trauma, or both—treatment helps. ADHD treatment can help. Trauma processing can help. EMDR is powerful. Group therapy, experiential work, empty chair work, rage work, grief work—all of these drain trauma noise.
An exercise: make three columns—systemic trauma noise, concrete memories, and present triggers. Connect them across columns like a crossword puzzle. This can help make sense of your triggers.
Final Thoughts Trauma noise is there for good reason. It's unfinished business, unresolved grief, and unprocessed trauma. Working on it can help lessen the noise.
