Goodness and Power - How to Rebuild a Lost Sense of Self

One of the most profound losses childhood trauma survivors experience is the loss of a healthy sense of self — that foundational awareness of who you are, your inherent worth, and your personal power. In this deeply personal video, Patrick Teahan, MSW draws on his own recovery journey to explore what it means to lose your sense of self to childhood trauma and, more importantly, how to rebuild it through the twin pillars of goodness and power.

Patrick describes what living without a sense of self looked like for him: inability to disagree, excruciating decision-making, hiding his interests, tolerating bad behavior to maintain connection, and feeling like a fundamental fraud as a person. He explains how childhood trauma survivors often develop a "false sense of self" as a substitute — finding identity through performance, achievement, appearance, or rebellion. While these life vests keep us afloat, they make our worth conditional and fleeting rather than internal and stable.

The video draws a crucial distinction between identity, personality, and sense of self. Identity is what we identify with, personality is what we're born with, but sense of self is the deeper foundational awareness that combines both with inherent goodness and personal power. Goodness — meaning worth, integrity, and dignity — is the opposite of shame, and it's what gets destroyed when children are told they're bad, burdensome, or unlovable. A healthy sense of self is the assumption that you belong at the table.

Patrick traces the loss of self back to unhealthy parenting patterns: parents who assign roles instead of allowing differences, who frame needs as selfish, who suppress emotional expression, and who make children feel they are the problem rather than that they have problems. The messages children internalize — that having a self means being manipulative, that being someone means burdening others — become the invisible barriers to selfhood in adulthood.

The path to rebuilding involves three steps: first, identifying specific ways your sense of self is underdeveloped and beginning inner child work to nurture what was neglected. Second, reconnecting with feelings as the fuel for self — journaling about childhood emotions that were suppressed or invalidated. Third, engaging in social practice through therapy groups or safe communities where others can mirror and validate the authentic self that's been hidden. Patrick's own turning point came when a group therapy member simply told him "you're a good person" — a moment that lifted him out of years of depression and shame.